Have you ever thought your life was at rock bottom and it couldn't get much worse? Well I had thought so too, only to be proven wrong not so long ago. Let's see. I've $529 in my account now, which works out to a $29 dollar gain this week or about 6%. The downside to this is that I still am down a grand total of $600 (according to my trading partner, though I am pretty sure it was only in the region of $400, but there is no point in fighting over this). It wouldn't be so bad, if not for the fact that he decided to pull the plug on me and announce unceremoniously that he got sick of it and will be looking for a chance to just break even and get out of the market. That isn't really so bad, unless you consider the fact that him and I had been buddies for more than 10 years, and this was a joint venture to build a career and hopefully empire together. To say that he got sick of it is to announce the end of the partnership and the end of the brotherhood, something that I had given a lot for. But of course, that just drills home the point that I have been mulling over recently, that nobody in this world can be depended on, especially when you need them.
To further illustrate this point, friends are just people you rely on for help with a cozy and plausible blanket of expectations that friends help each other. I have more than a handful of examples, but looking at BK it would not be a surprise to see why NS told me what he said the other day about friends changing. Of course, I could use HL as an example too, but there have been times where I needed her help and she reached out without hesitation too. It frustrates me really, to realize that friends change and no friendship lasts forever. Are we all too selfish by nature? Somehow, because I invest a lot of time and energy into each and every of my friendships, I feel more and more jaded as more friends around me show the true colors of human nature. If it were only W's backing out of the empire's plans, I could still handle it. I saw it coming a long time ago, and now that he has made it official, it is time for me to kick the repayment plans into action and pay off the debt, which I will set at $600. It will probably take me awhile - $100 set aside each month over half a year to pay it off.
On top of the disappointment in the fall of our empire even before it started, I felt a little sad that P was like this. I probably won't recall what like this means, years later when I am reading this, so I better elaborate. I've known her for a little more than 7 years, and over the past few years it has always been the case that she looked me up whenever she wanted to - most attempts made by me to meet her were spurned with a few exceptions. When we met, it was often a session for her to rant and whine about her life in general, or answer some questions and doubts she may have in her mind. I can safely say that I know a great deal about her, but I doubt she knows half as much about me. I am not being self important, but it has come to a point in life when I realize that there isn't anyone in this world who could probably understands me or what goes on in my mind. That's not entirely her fault, it just added to the overall disappointment towards friends. The most disappointing person in my life as of now, no, the second most. is D. And I am sure I will always remember the reasons even if I don't list them down.
The most disappointing person is myself. How did I ever let my life come to this?
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