Thursday 22 September 2011
Lost
This is interesting. I am actually typing this on my iPad during tuition, and in nothing else but a safari window. Was intending to do more by buying an app, but I guess this will suffice for now. I am really needing a break from life to figure things out but there are so many things waiting to be done urgently. I wish I could spend a night not talking to anyone nor doing anything, not even watch tv, and just sit there figuring out who I am and who i want to become.
I think I really need that. Because somewhere along the way, I lost myself. And that is a scary feeling leaving me helpless and lost.
Sunday 18 September 2011
Things to do for the TWO weeks
- CPE 184 Business Plan
- CPE 184 E Learning Tutorial (URGENT)
- CPE 203 Lab Preparation (TO BE DONE ON TUESDAY NIGHT)
- Revise CPE 101 and do tutorials + PYQ
- Revise CPE 202 and do tutorials
- Revise CPE 203 and do tutorials
- Revise CPE 204 and do tutorials
- Revise BU 8501
- Revise CPE 184
- Compile and expand Video Library
- Plan and execute weight loss programme
- Catch up and sleep and rest, and revive my health and well being
- Read my books
- Work on my trading system and trade daily
A whole lot has happened
Since the last time I updated this place. I patched up properly with the ex, but of course I do feel the rift between us just only growing bigger, hence it will only be a matter of time - but for now all I want to do is to focus on the other things in life.
I bought a TV for my room, and it has been useful thus far. Now I only need to compile my video library and expand it to include videos on subject matters that matter to me. It has also forced me to clear out my table and make it tidier, which is good I guess.
I have been wanting to embark on my plans for the ELW and RW, but I have been caught up in my marketing discussions and editing work, which leaves me almost no room to breathe. But I need to make a list of the things I need to achieve during this period of time, which will be updated later.
I sorted out stuff with W, and it happens that he is in a rut right now. I'm kinda too tired to continue rambling, so probably expect a post from me in the near future.
I bought a TV for my room, and it has been useful thus far. Now I only need to compile my video library and expand it to include videos on subject matters that matter to me. It has also forced me to clear out my table and make it tidier, which is good I guess.
I have been wanting to embark on my plans for the ELW and RW, but I have been caught up in my marketing discussions and editing work, which leaves me almost no room to breathe. But I need to make a list of the things I need to achieve during this period of time, which will be updated later.
I sorted out stuff with W, and it happens that he is in a rut right now. I'm kinda too tired to continue rambling, so probably expect a post from me in the near future.
Thursday 15 September 2011
Rock Bottom-ed.
Have you ever thought your life was at rock bottom and it couldn't get much worse? Well I had thought so too, only to be proven wrong not so long ago. Let's see. I've $529 in my account now, which works out to a $29 dollar gain this week or about 6%. The downside to this is that I still am down a grand total of $600 (according to my trading partner, though I am pretty sure it was only in the region of $400, but there is no point in fighting over this). It wouldn't be so bad, if not for the fact that he decided to pull the plug on me and announce unceremoniously that he got sick of it and will be looking for a chance to just break even and get out of the market. That isn't really so bad, unless you consider the fact that him and I had been buddies for more than 10 years, and this was a joint venture to build a career and hopefully empire together. To say that he got sick of it is to announce the end of the partnership and the end of the brotherhood, something that I had given a lot for. But of course, that just drills home the point that I have been mulling over recently, that nobody in this world can be depended on, especially when you need them.
To further illustrate this point, friends are just people you rely on for help with a cozy and plausible blanket of expectations that friends help each other. I have more than a handful of examples, but looking at BK it would not be a surprise to see why NS told me what he said the other day about friends changing. Of course, I could use HL as an example too, but there have been times where I needed her help and she reached out without hesitation too. It frustrates me really, to realize that friends change and no friendship lasts forever. Are we all too selfish by nature? Somehow, because I invest a lot of time and energy into each and every of my friendships, I feel more and more jaded as more friends around me show the true colors of human nature. If it were only W's backing out of the empire's plans, I could still handle it. I saw it coming a long time ago, and now that he has made it official, it is time for me to kick the repayment plans into action and pay off the debt, which I will set at $600. It will probably take me awhile - $100 set aside each month over half a year to pay it off.
On top of the disappointment in the fall of our empire even before it started, I felt a little sad that P was like this. I probably won't recall what like this means, years later when I am reading this, so I better elaborate. I've known her for a little more than 7 years, and over the past few years it has always been the case that she looked me up whenever she wanted to - most attempts made by me to meet her were spurned with a few exceptions. When we met, it was often a session for her to rant and whine about her life in general, or answer some questions and doubts she may have in her mind. I can safely say that I know a great deal about her, but I doubt she knows half as much about me. I am not being self important, but it has come to a point in life when I realize that there isn't anyone in this world who could probably understands me or what goes on in my mind. That's not entirely her fault, it just added to the overall disappointment towards friends. The most disappointing person in my life as of now, no, the second most. is D. And I am sure I will always remember the reasons even if I don't list them down.
The most disappointing person is myself. How did I ever let my life come to this?
To further illustrate this point, friends are just people you rely on for help with a cozy and plausible blanket of expectations that friends help each other. I have more than a handful of examples, but looking at BK it would not be a surprise to see why NS told me what he said the other day about friends changing. Of course, I could use HL as an example too, but there have been times where I needed her help and she reached out without hesitation too. It frustrates me really, to realize that friends change and no friendship lasts forever. Are we all too selfish by nature? Somehow, because I invest a lot of time and energy into each and every of my friendships, I feel more and more jaded as more friends around me show the true colors of human nature. If it were only W's backing out of the empire's plans, I could still handle it. I saw it coming a long time ago, and now that he has made it official, it is time for me to kick the repayment plans into action and pay off the debt, which I will set at $600. It will probably take me awhile - $100 set aside each month over half a year to pay it off.
On top of the disappointment in the fall of our empire even before it started, I felt a little sad that P was like this. I probably won't recall what like this means, years later when I am reading this, so I better elaborate. I've known her for a little more than 7 years, and over the past few years it has always been the case that she looked me up whenever she wanted to - most attempts made by me to meet her were spurned with a few exceptions. When we met, it was often a session for her to rant and whine about her life in general, or answer some questions and doubts she may have in her mind. I can safely say that I know a great deal about her, but I doubt she knows half as much about me. I am not being self important, but it has come to a point in life when I realize that there isn't anyone in this world who could probably understands me or what goes on in my mind. That's not entirely her fault, it just added to the overall disappointment towards friends. The most disappointing person in my life as of now, no, the second most. is D. And I am sure I will always remember the reasons even if I don't list them down.
The most disappointing person is myself. How did I ever let my life come to this?
Tuesday 13 September 2011
Hustle.
That's the only way to get to the top. and from where I am in life right now, I've got a lot of hustling to do.
Had a disappointing night.
Came back after a draining session of discussion with the marketing mates and though it was fun I was quite exhausted by the end and did not stay on to chill over dinner. Headed home and fired up mt4 to place some trades and was rewarded as I managed to bring my net profit up to $27, but all these crashed to pieces over 4 trades and I went back down to $20 net profit, hence bringing my performance to a meager 2% per trading day again.
The trades that caused this draw down was 3 positions on GU that I stubbornly pyramided and ended up closing at a less than optimum loss position. The painful lesson? It eventually rose past and broke resistance, and even if i closed it as of now, I would have at least broke even on the 3 positions. So, this is a $7 lesson. Never second guess or doubt myself. Make a clear call on the possible profit and risk level then entire my trades without emotion.
UPDATE: the GU ended up rising madly and hitting the levels of my TP in less than an hour, I guess I need to learn to spot resistance levels and have faith in my system. so, it ended up being a $12 lesson. Bleah.
Over the course of the next few days, I will work on my trading system again, maybe enter the demo kitchen again if need be to tweak it a bit.
The trades that caused this draw down was 3 positions on GU that I stubbornly pyramided and ended up closing at a less than optimum loss position. The painful lesson? It eventually rose past and broke resistance, and even if i closed it as of now, I would have at least broke even on the 3 positions. So, this is a $7 lesson. Never second guess or doubt myself. Make a clear call on the possible profit and risk level then entire my trades without emotion.
UPDATE: the GU ended up rising madly and hitting the levels of my TP in less than an hour, I guess I need to learn to spot resistance levels and have faith in my system. so, it ended up being a $12 lesson. Bleah.
Over the course of the next few days, I will work on my trading system again, maybe enter the demo kitchen again if need be to tweak it a bit.
Again.
Managed to get some work done over the course of yesterday, and made a few more trades. As of now, I have a total profit of $21 for two days of trading, which is a two percent growth per day, but that is simply too little for me. I had profiting trades today, but the losing ones ate up majority of the winnings. I probably need to spend some time tweaking the system as well as learn how to use CRBs to trade more profitably.
Have been feeling rather tired these few days, so I think I will have an early night after all the drama in my life ends today.
Have been feeling rather tired these few days, so I think I will have an early night after all the drama in my life ends today.
Monday 12 September 2011
Trading.
I made $22 this morning, but as time passed I grew impatient and greedy, and started trading even when not all of the conditions have been met in my system. As a result of that, the profits were wiped out in a few trades and I am back at ground zero now. I must discipline myself to watch the market carefully and only enter a trade when the conditions are right. And in order to train up my discipline, I will stick to trading 0.01 lots until I become more accustomed to reading the charts so as to minimize any draw down that I may face. I intend to stick to this lot size for the next 20 trades that I make.
Spent most of the day cleaning up my room and removing the dust and dirt to give myself a clean and clear environment to work and study in. Along the way, I learned how to take apart the panels and fans in my AC and washed them out too, and also found my stylus for the iPad which I had long misplaced. Shall experiment with using it to take notes and write.
Now that I have cleaned up my room, the air feels much fresher and I have a clearer mind seated at my desk. I am going to hazard a guess that I will end up skipping school on Thursday too to catch up on rest, studying and trading. For now though, it is time to embark on working on my projects - BK and 184 and hopefully finish up by dinner time.
Spent most of the day cleaning up my room and removing the dust and dirt to give myself a clean and clear environment to work and study in. Along the way, I learned how to take apart the panels and fans in my AC and washed them out too, and also found my stylus for the iPad which I had long misplaced. Shall experiment with using it to take notes and write.
Now that I have cleaned up my room, the air feels much fresher and I have a clearer mind seated at my desk. I am going to hazard a guess that I will end up skipping school on Thursday too to catch up on rest, studying and trading. For now though, it is time to embark on working on my projects - BK and 184 and hopefully finish up by dinner time.
Sunday 11 September 2011
A summary.
Two years and five months. Precious beautiful time flushed down the drain just like this. Read on if you are burning with curiosity, but otherwise skip to the next paragraph. Back and forth, on and off. We had it going good for awhile, then she would always start distancing herself, and each time it would go along the lines of her loving me but not being in love with me. Then I would cut and run, but before I got any real progress in my recovery, she would drop a bomb and we would restart this sadistic game.
Today, I had enough. I look at myself in the mirror, how I had been broken down and broken in endless times by this girl, and the state my mind and life was in, took in how my room was in a relative mess from what I liked it to be in, and a good look at all that had transpired. Outrageous.
There is only so much patience a man has. And I have exhausted all of mine with this girl I will call D. From now on, it's MGTOW. I know that is not the best way, but it is probably the only fastest way to proper recovery. Out of my life, all the girls who have been stringing me along. And JJ's post will serve as a reminder of who I am living my life for. Myself.
Today, I had enough. I look at myself in the mirror, how I had been broken down and broken in endless times by this girl, and the state my mind and life was in, took in how my room was in a relative mess from what I liked it to be in, and a good look at all that had transpired. Outrageous.
There is only so much patience a man has. And I have exhausted all of mine with this girl I will call D. From now on, it's MGTOW. I know that is not the best way, but it is probably the only fastest way to proper recovery. Out of my life, all the girls who have been stringing me along. And JJ's post will serve as a reminder of who I am living my life for. Myself.
A reminder.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Jay
I started this as a reply to another thread but it blew out into a huge write up and thought I might as well put it on the main board. It seems to be an issue many of us struggle with.
Lets go.
Is it possible to get that girl you loved back after being LJBFed?
You can.
But its not easy.
And I don't recommend it.
I've done it... kind of...
Heres the story.
I caught myself what I thought was the perfect woman. 9.5 out of 10 on most guys scale 29485832 out of 10 on mine. She's incredibly intelligent, witty, charismatic and sexy as hell. Her smell is enough to give me a hard on. I must admit I was so overwhelmed by this woman I turned into such a ***** I still feel shame three and a half years later.
The reason I got her in the first place was being a really great guy. When she was with me she was happy. She trusted me completely. Our time together was a pleasure for both of us. But of course coz I was such a ***** she could not feel love for me.
When she dumped me I had tears in my eyes. I sat there trying not ball asking "why don't you love me?" .
She couldn't tell me. "I wish I did but I don't..." she said with pity in her eyes.
I know a lot of you will read that and think it impossible to come back from that. But I did.
It took along time.
At first I backed off. I never called her and the only time we got together was when she initiated contact. Even then I made myself scarce.
I kept her at arms length because I could not be in her company without falling back in love with her. For a year I couldn't even masturbate without thinking of her.
Eventually, after visiting sites like this and talking to both guys and girls I learned what I did wrong; I gave up my power to her.
So the first step was taking that back. I got on with my life and did really cool things. I made myself happy without her.
After the teary incident I never acted into her at all. I f8cked another girl at the earliest chance and let her know about it (the ***** still managed to get a break up root before me!).
For a year we only saw each other occasionally. I was constantly working on myself. My mindset wasn't trying to get her back. What I wanted was to make her regret ever letting me go.
Gradually I improved every aspect of my life. I got fitter, happier, more money, more confident in myself. I developed game. I got a new girlfriend who was amazing and had a great relationship (but deep down I still loved the other girl).
She went travelling for nine months. Just before she went she apologised for dumping me like she did and said she just didn't know what was going on in her head. I laughed it off and said it was for the best, that I learned from it and grew.
While she was away I continued to work on myself and grow. I think this break was crucial to being able to get her back. If you wanna get a girl who LJBF you I think you need a 9-12 month break. Read on for why.
When she returned she looked long and hard at me. "Something has changed about you."
A cocky smile touched my lips. "I've grown up." I told her looking deeply and confidently into her eyes.
I then "friended" her and asked her to help set me up with a girl at her work.
After that she began calling me more and more. When we got together I would tell her about my girls, my ambitions and achievements in a casual self depreciating funny kind of way.
One day we were having a coffee. By this time the confident body language I had been working on had become natural. I sat back arrogantly, teased her and eyed up the other girls having coffee and these girls looked back at me with similar interest.
"You've been having heaps of sex haven't you?" She asked.
"What makes you say that?" I replied with what I hoped was a sexy look.
"You can just tell."
From then she began intiating kino. I gave her about a third of the kino she gave me.
I started wearing a cologne I knew she loved every second or third time I saw her. "I love that smell." She would say and smell me.
"I love yours too." And I would breath deeply on her neck.
She began fishing for compliments from me. I gave these sparingly but with sincerity and only after teasing her for fishing. I didn't let her get away with being a precious princess and when she was out of line I would let her know.
When we were together I made sure it was me who said it was time to go. She began asking me to stay out longer, to have another drink. But I would always go once I said I was going.
I never broke plans for her and she began to find is she wanted to see me she had to break HER plans.
When she spoke about other guys I would tell her I wasn't interested, to tell her girlfriends. She would say she needed a guys a opinion about this or that. I never said a bad word about these dudes and pretty soon she would want to tell me what was wrong with them. "The only **** I care about is mine." I would tell her and laugh at my own sexist crassness.
The balance of power had shifted.
One night we were at a mutual friends party. We were chatting and the second hottest girl at the party, (after my ex) a known maneater, strolled past. I ogled her magnificent breasts. "Thats so rude!" She snapped at me.
"What."
"Staring at her boobs like that." She was pissed. "That's just disrespectful."
"I'm quiet sure she likes me looking at them." I replied laughing.
She gave me a dirty look. "I doubt that."
"Considering how intimate I have been with them recently I'll stand by my statement."
I then called to the girl with the boobs. Her face lit up when she saw me and give me a big kiss. The girl who had dumped me looked like she'd had a bucket of cold water thrown over her.
Then the next time we saw each other I finally let her know straight out that I wanted to **** her. Simple as that. "We should ****."
We ****ed.
After, I lay back and laughed and told her how good it was to just have sex as friends without expectation of anything more. I had never felt so good after sex. Two years of frustration, desire, pain... it felt like it had all been swept away. I felt that I had won!
She looked at me with her beautiful eyes, her perfect body glistening with sweat and her gorgeous face flushed with pleasure. Her seductive lips smiled as they uttered the word "bullsh*t"
And here's the moral of the story.
She was right.
I felt every bit of self esteem I had developed fly away. My peace of mind was shattered. I'd fooled myself. I'd spent two years working on getting this girl back. I had thought I had been working on becoming the person I wanted to be, the truth was I had been working on becoming the person I thought she wanted me to be.
My other girls weren't good enough. All I wanted was HER!
I did the only thing I had the power left to do.
I ran.
So if your wondering if you can get the girl back...
Yeah, you can . But it aint worth it boys. Move on.
JJ
Lets go.
Is it possible to get that girl you loved back after being LJBFed?
You can.
But its not easy.
And I don't recommend it.
I've done it... kind of...
Heres the story.
I caught myself what I thought was the perfect woman. 9.5 out of 10 on most guys scale 29485832 out of 10 on mine. She's incredibly intelligent, witty, charismatic and sexy as hell. Her smell is enough to give me a hard on. I must admit I was so overwhelmed by this woman I turned into such a ***** I still feel shame three and a half years later.
The reason I got her in the first place was being a really great guy. When she was with me she was happy. She trusted me completely. Our time together was a pleasure for both of us. But of course coz I was such a ***** she could not feel love for me.
When she dumped me I had tears in my eyes. I sat there trying not ball asking "why don't you love me?" .
She couldn't tell me. "I wish I did but I don't..." she said with pity in her eyes.
I know a lot of you will read that and think it impossible to come back from that. But I did.
It took along time.
At first I backed off. I never called her and the only time we got together was when she initiated contact. Even then I made myself scarce.
I kept her at arms length because I could not be in her company without falling back in love with her. For a year I couldn't even masturbate without thinking of her.
Eventually, after visiting sites like this and talking to both guys and girls I learned what I did wrong; I gave up my power to her.
So the first step was taking that back. I got on with my life and did really cool things. I made myself happy without her.
After the teary incident I never acted into her at all. I f8cked another girl at the earliest chance and let her know about it (the ***** still managed to get a break up root before me!).
For a year we only saw each other occasionally. I was constantly working on myself. My mindset wasn't trying to get her back. What I wanted was to make her regret ever letting me go.
Gradually I improved every aspect of my life. I got fitter, happier, more money, more confident in myself. I developed game. I got a new girlfriend who was amazing and had a great relationship (but deep down I still loved the other girl).
She went travelling for nine months. Just before she went she apologised for dumping me like she did and said she just didn't know what was going on in her head. I laughed it off and said it was for the best, that I learned from it and grew.
While she was away I continued to work on myself and grow. I think this break was crucial to being able to get her back. If you wanna get a girl who LJBF you I think you need a 9-12 month break. Read on for why.
When she returned she looked long and hard at me. "Something has changed about you."
A cocky smile touched my lips. "I've grown up." I told her looking deeply and confidently into her eyes.
I then "friended" her and asked her to help set me up with a girl at her work.
After that she began calling me more and more. When we got together I would tell her about my girls, my ambitions and achievements in a casual self depreciating funny kind of way.
One day we were having a coffee. By this time the confident body language I had been working on had become natural. I sat back arrogantly, teased her and eyed up the other girls having coffee and these girls looked back at me with similar interest.
"You've been having heaps of sex haven't you?" She asked.
"What makes you say that?" I replied with what I hoped was a sexy look.
"You can just tell."
From then she began intiating kino. I gave her about a third of the kino she gave me.
I started wearing a cologne I knew she loved every second or third time I saw her. "I love that smell." She would say and smell me.
"I love yours too." And I would breath deeply on her neck.
She began fishing for compliments from me. I gave these sparingly but with sincerity and only after teasing her for fishing. I didn't let her get away with being a precious princess and when she was out of line I would let her know.
When we were together I made sure it was me who said it was time to go. She began asking me to stay out longer, to have another drink. But I would always go once I said I was going.
I never broke plans for her and she began to find is she wanted to see me she had to break HER plans.
When she spoke about other guys I would tell her I wasn't interested, to tell her girlfriends. She would say she needed a guys a opinion about this or that. I never said a bad word about these dudes and pretty soon she would want to tell me what was wrong with them. "The only **** I care about is mine." I would tell her and laugh at my own sexist crassness.
The balance of power had shifted.
One night we were at a mutual friends party. We were chatting and the second hottest girl at the party, (after my ex) a known maneater, strolled past. I ogled her magnificent breasts. "Thats so rude!" She snapped at me.
"What."
"Staring at her boobs like that." She was pissed. "That's just disrespectful."
"I'm quiet sure she likes me looking at them." I replied laughing.
She gave me a dirty look. "I doubt that."
"Considering how intimate I have been with them recently I'll stand by my statement."
I then called to the girl with the boobs. Her face lit up when she saw me and give me a big kiss. The girl who had dumped me looked like she'd had a bucket of cold water thrown over her.
Then the next time we saw each other I finally let her know straight out that I wanted to **** her. Simple as that. "We should ****."
We ****ed.
After, I lay back and laughed and told her how good it was to just have sex as friends without expectation of anything more. I had never felt so good after sex. Two years of frustration, desire, pain... it felt like it had all been swept away. I felt that I had won!
She looked at me with her beautiful eyes, her perfect body glistening with sweat and her gorgeous face flushed with pleasure. Her seductive lips smiled as they uttered the word "bullsh*t"
And here's the moral of the story.
She was right.
I felt every bit of self esteem I had developed fly away. My peace of mind was shattered. I'd fooled myself. I'd spent two years working on getting this girl back. I had thought I had been working on becoming the person I wanted to be, the truth was I had been working on becoming the person I thought she wanted me to be.
My other girls weren't good enough. All I wanted was HER!
I did the only thing I had the power left to do.
I ran.
So if your wondering if you can get the girl back...
Yeah, you can . But it aint worth it boys. Move on.
JJ
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