Thursday 22 September 2011
Lost
This is interesting. I am actually typing this on my iPad during tuition, and in nothing else but a safari window. Was intending to do more by buying an app, but I guess this will suffice for now. I am really needing a break from life to figure things out but there are so many things waiting to be done urgently. I wish I could spend a night not talking to anyone nor doing anything, not even watch tv, and just sit there figuring out who I am and who i want to become.
I think I really need that. Because somewhere along the way, I lost myself. And that is a scary feeling leaving me helpless and lost.
Sunday 18 September 2011
Things to do for the TWO weeks
- CPE 184 Business Plan
- CPE 184 E Learning Tutorial (URGENT)
- CPE 203 Lab Preparation (TO BE DONE ON TUESDAY NIGHT)
- Revise CPE 101 and do tutorials + PYQ
- Revise CPE 202 and do tutorials
- Revise CPE 203 and do tutorials
- Revise CPE 204 and do tutorials
- Revise BU 8501
- Revise CPE 184
- Compile and expand Video Library
- Plan and execute weight loss programme
- Catch up and sleep and rest, and revive my health and well being
- Read my books
- Work on my trading system and trade daily
A whole lot has happened
Since the last time I updated this place. I patched up properly with the ex, but of course I do feel the rift between us just only growing bigger, hence it will only be a matter of time - but for now all I want to do is to focus on the other things in life.
I bought a TV for my room, and it has been useful thus far. Now I only need to compile my video library and expand it to include videos on subject matters that matter to me. It has also forced me to clear out my table and make it tidier, which is good I guess.
I have been wanting to embark on my plans for the ELW and RW, but I have been caught up in my marketing discussions and editing work, which leaves me almost no room to breathe. But I need to make a list of the things I need to achieve during this period of time, which will be updated later.
I sorted out stuff with W, and it happens that he is in a rut right now. I'm kinda too tired to continue rambling, so probably expect a post from me in the near future.
I bought a TV for my room, and it has been useful thus far. Now I only need to compile my video library and expand it to include videos on subject matters that matter to me. It has also forced me to clear out my table and make it tidier, which is good I guess.
I have been wanting to embark on my plans for the ELW and RW, but I have been caught up in my marketing discussions and editing work, which leaves me almost no room to breathe. But I need to make a list of the things I need to achieve during this period of time, which will be updated later.
I sorted out stuff with W, and it happens that he is in a rut right now. I'm kinda too tired to continue rambling, so probably expect a post from me in the near future.
Thursday 15 September 2011
Rock Bottom-ed.
Have you ever thought your life was at rock bottom and it couldn't get much worse? Well I had thought so too, only to be proven wrong not so long ago. Let's see. I've $529 in my account now, which works out to a $29 dollar gain this week or about 6%. The downside to this is that I still am down a grand total of $600 (according to my trading partner, though I am pretty sure it was only in the region of $400, but there is no point in fighting over this). It wouldn't be so bad, if not for the fact that he decided to pull the plug on me and announce unceremoniously that he got sick of it and will be looking for a chance to just break even and get out of the market. That isn't really so bad, unless you consider the fact that him and I had been buddies for more than 10 years, and this was a joint venture to build a career and hopefully empire together. To say that he got sick of it is to announce the end of the partnership and the end of the brotherhood, something that I had given a lot for. But of course, that just drills home the point that I have been mulling over recently, that nobody in this world can be depended on, especially when you need them.
To further illustrate this point, friends are just people you rely on for help with a cozy and plausible blanket of expectations that friends help each other. I have more than a handful of examples, but looking at BK it would not be a surprise to see why NS told me what he said the other day about friends changing. Of course, I could use HL as an example too, but there have been times where I needed her help and she reached out without hesitation too. It frustrates me really, to realize that friends change and no friendship lasts forever. Are we all too selfish by nature? Somehow, because I invest a lot of time and energy into each and every of my friendships, I feel more and more jaded as more friends around me show the true colors of human nature. If it were only W's backing out of the empire's plans, I could still handle it. I saw it coming a long time ago, and now that he has made it official, it is time for me to kick the repayment plans into action and pay off the debt, which I will set at $600. It will probably take me awhile - $100 set aside each month over half a year to pay it off.
On top of the disappointment in the fall of our empire even before it started, I felt a little sad that P was like this. I probably won't recall what like this means, years later when I am reading this, so I better elaborate. I've known her for a little more than 7 years, and over the past few years it has always been the case that she looked me up whenever she wanted to - most attempts made by me to meet her were spurned with a few exceptions. When we met, it was often a session for her to rant and whine about her life in general, or answer some questions and doubts she may have in her mind. I can safely say that I know a great deal about her, but I doubt she knows half as much about me. I am not being self important, but it has come to a point in life when I realize that there isn't anyone in this world who could probably understands me or what goes on in my mind. That's not entirely her fault, it just added to the overall disappointment towards friends. The most disappointing person in my life as of now, no, the second most. is D. And I am sure I will always remember the reasons even if I don't list them down.
The most disappointing person is myself. How did I ever let my life come to this?
To further illustrate this point, friends are just people you rely on for help with a cozy and plausible blanket of expectations that friends help each other. I have more than a handful of examples, but looking at BK it would not be a surprise to see why NS told me what he said the other day about friends changing. Of course, I could use HL as an example too, but there have been times where I needed her help and she reached out without hesitation too. It frustrates me really, to realize that friends change and no friendship lasts forever. Are we all too selfish by nature? Somehow, because I invest a lot of time and energy into each and every of my friendships, I feel more and more jaded as more friends around me show the true colors of human nature. If it were only W's backing out of the empire's plans, I could still handle it. I saw it coming a long time ago, and now that he has made it official, it is time for me to kick the repayment plans into action and pay off the debt, which I will set at $600. It will probably take me awhile - $100 set aside each month over half a year to pay it off.
On top of the disappointment in the fall of our empire even before it started, I felt a little sad that P was like this. I probably won't recall what like this means, years later when I am reading this, so I better elaborate. I've known her for a little more than 7 years, and over the past few years it has always been the case that she looked me up whenever she wanted to - most attempts made by me to meet her were spurned with a few exceptions. When we met, it was often a session for her to rant and whine about her life in general, or answer some questions and doubts she may have in her mind. I can safely say that I know a great deal about her, but I doubt she knows half as much about me. I am not being self important, but it has come to a point in life when I realize that there isn't anyone in this world who could probably understands me or what goes on in my mind. That's not entirely her fault, it just added to the overall disappointment towards friends. The most disappointing person in my life as of now, no, the second most. is D. And I am sure I will always remember the reasons even if I don't list them down.
The most disappointing person is myself. How did I ever let my life come to this?
Tuesday 13 September 2011
Hustle.
That's the only way to get to the top. and from where I am in life right now, I've got a lot of hustling to do.
Had a disappointing night.
Came back after a draining session of discussion with the marketing mates and though it was fun I was quite exhausted by the end and did not stay on to chill over dinner. Headed home and fired up mt4 to place some trades and was rewarded as I managed to bring my net profit up to $27, but all these crashed to pieces over 4 trades and I went back down to $20 net profit, hence bringing my performance to a meager 2% per trading day again.
The trades that caused this draw down was 3 positions on GU that I stubbornly pyramided and ended up closing at a less than optimum loss position. The painful lesson? It eventually rose past and broke resistance, and even if i closed it as of now, I would have at least broke even on the 3 positions. So, this is a $7 lesson. Never second guess or doubt myself. Make a clear call on the possible profit and risk level then entire my trades without emotion.
UPDATE: the GU ended up rising madly and hitting the levels of my TP in less than an hour, I guess I need to learn to spot resistance levels and have faith in my system. so, it ended up being a $12 lesson. Bleah.
Over the course of the next few days, I will work on my trading system again, maybe enter the demo kitchen again if need be to tweak it a bit.
The trades that caused this draw down was 3 positions on GU that I stubbornly pyramided and ended up closing at a less than optimum loss position. The painful lesson? It eventually rose past and broke resistance, and even if i closed it as of now, I would have at least broke even on the 3 positions. So, this is a $7 lesson. Never second guess or doubt myself. Make a clear call on the possible profit and risk level then entire my trades without emotion.
UPDATE: the GU ended up rising madly and hitting the levels of my TP in less than an hour, I guess I need to learn to spot resistance levels and have faith in my system. so, it ended up being a $12 lesson. Bleah.
Over the course of the next few days, I will work on my trading system again, maybe enter the demo kitchen again if need be to tweak it a bit.
Again.
Managed to get some work done over the course of yesterday, and made a few more trades. As of now, I have a total profit of $21 for two days of trading, which is a two percent growth per day, but that is simply too little for me. I had profiting trades today, but the losing ones ate up majority of the winnings. I probably need to spend some time tweaking the system as well as learn how to use CRBs to trade more profitably.
Have been feeling rather tired these few days, so I think I will have an early night after all the drama in my life ends today.
Have been feeling rather tired these few days, so I think I will have an early night after all the drama in my life ends today.
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